Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through ‘the minds of either’.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest…. except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classics: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouths.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Source: unknown

First of all, always come to class just a little late. Then make as much noise as possible as you enter the room. After that greet all your friends with a cheerful wave, or even better, with a shouted greeting. Furthermore, slam your heavy backpack down on the floor next to your desk and do a few stretching exercise. Moreover make a big, gaping yawn and take your seat.

As soon as raise your hand and ask to be excused to go to the restroom. After you return, be sure to slam the door, and again, make as much noise as possible while taking your seat. Next, turn the pages of your book noisily, search in your backpack for a pencil, ask your neighbor if you can borrow an eraser, and announce in a loud voice that you cannot find your homework. Then raise your hand and ask to be excused to look for it in your locker.

If the teacher should happen to call on you during the class, mumble an answer. As soon as mumble again, maybe a liitle louder this time, but still not loudly enough to be heard. If the teacher dares to ask you again, give a loud and clear answer to the previous question, the one your classmates answered a minute ago, and smile smugly as you do so.

Finally, if these techniques do not achieve the desired results, you can always fold your arms across your desk, put your head down, and take a nap. Just do not forget to snore.

Please, do not try to do it!